So it has been a while and that is mostly because I have been rather too stressed to focus on anything as long as a typical blog post. (Which has made homework a lot more challenging, too.)

Basically, I think about two weeks ago my dad wrote me a letter. This, you may be able to guess, could never be a good thing--he could have called if it was. In this letter, he made himself feel better by letting me know his opinions on things I already know his opinion on: my bad choices re: dating a guy who is not Catholic mostly. Also there is one time that he knows of that I spent the night at Greg's and this made him very upset. So there was a lot about how I have ruined my reputation but it can be fixed if I work very hard etc. etc. Then at the end he's like, call me after you read this. Blegh. Anyway, this letter would have been bad enough on its own, but it isn't the first of its nature . . . but somehow compounded with them moving to Kansas in order to protect the other kids from growing up and turning out like me . . . I don't know I was seriously freaking out. I just did not know what to do and I could not call my dad--I didn't see much point and I didn't want to talk to him. And yet I am so so so scared of losing contact with them, I am so afraid that once they move to Kansas they'll just start pretending I don't exist and I just won't have a family anymore. This was also exacerbated by finally watching the Royal Tenenbaums for the first time which was . . . bad timing. And I came to the decision that I needed to let my dad know once and for all how I feel.

So I write him a letter back in which I explained that although I love him very much, I think he is wrong and making a huge mistake. I have never dared to even hint at my parents that I do not believe in this religion and now I was just like, "this is wrong and stupid and you need to stop." Also I begged them to not move, although it is really already too late--our house is completely sold and they are leaving in May. And I actually sent this letter. I think I sent it Tuesday night. I don't know if they have gotten it yet or not. I do not know what will happen when they do. My sister is honestly pretty sure this will ruin the chances of our family ever being all in one place ever again and is really mad at me. I am really scared too, but at the same time, I really do want them to read it. I am sick of pretending. But it kills me to think I may never be allowed to see my little brothers and sisters again. I miss them all so much and I am always to scared to call home because the conversations so often turn bad. I am not going home for Easter. I hope I will still be able to go home one last time before they leave.

Ugh now I am getting all upset again. But I am in a good mood today because I did another thing I probably shouldn't have: I ordered a new laptop! My old computer is really pretty beat. It makes horrible sounds whenever I turn it on and it really has a hard time playing WoW, I haven't even tried to put the latest expansion on it. I've been looking on Craigslist for a used one, I probably could have gotten something that would have been an improvement for not too much money, but I also decided I would really like a laptop. I really want to be able to go outside in the sun and work/play. And it is really hard to find a laptop that can play WoW. It needs to have non-integrated graphics card. I emailed a few laptop sellers I found on craigslist but none of them could play WoW even though they were better computers than mine.

So today I started a chat with a guy from Dell just to get more info on finding a laptop that had a good enough graphics card. Annnnd he basically talked me into buying one. I really should have saved the money, but this is seriously such a sweet computer and it was less than $700 so it was still less than my tax refund. I am saying that is how I paid for it. =P I am soooo excited to get it! I won't be until the first week of May though, what a long wait!

Anyways, I miss you guys! I guess I should get back to work, I have a couple charts that have been requested since starting this post . . .